Many of Depression symptoms have been discussed at length, but why does no one seem to talk about the realities of recovery?
In today's social climate, it is becoming increasingly admirable for celebrities, public figures and even childhood chums you've not spoken to since high school graduation to open up about their struggles with depression and anxiety. In terms of working to eradicate or at least decrease the stigma surrounding mental illness, this sort of transparency is undoubtedly useful. However, what does not seem to get talked about as much is the effect that struggling with this sort of emotional conflict can have on a young person's ability to go on to function in society as adults. How do you be a 'good adult' after spending mass parts of your formative years believing you would never make it that far?
According to Dr James Cartreine, a Contributing Editor for Harvard Health Publishing, depression can alter our ability to think as it impairs memory, attention and information processing. He explains in the piece 'More than sad: Depression affects your ability to think', that depression also reduces cognitive flexibility, which is the ability to make goals and strategies, and executive functioning, which is essentially the ability to get things done. While antidepressant medications have been formulated to improve low mood and energy, Dr Cartreine says they are not known to help cognitive symptoms.
Makayla first began having trouble with her mental health around the age of 14 when she noticed feelings of sadness and becoming withdrawn from many of her favourite activities. She sought treatment from a high school therapist around the age of 16/17, but 'it felt that it was swept under the rug'. When Makayla was 19, she again reached out for help and was given a short-term medication to treat the anxiety she was having daily. It was only a year later once she had finished the medicine that not only was it highly addictive, but that she should never have been prescribed it in the first place. Makayla didn't have a regular doctor at the time, so she went to a drop-in clinic in a 'puddle of tears' but was told it was likely better if she saw a general practitioner for 'this type of stuff.' "I had to fight to get help rather than go home with no help."
She left the drop-in clinic with a new prescription and an appointment with a GP to work on creating a treatment plan. Makayla explains that this GP was helpful in also prescribing her with something to aid her sleep, and explaining the side effects of her medication, but after nine months, she noticed issues with her libido. No one had mentioned this to Makayla before despite it being a very common side effect of antidepressants, but it led to another switch in medication. At 21, Makayla thinks she is finally making her way to a good place, but that "it's just a shame it took about eight years to get there."
Makayla says that having experience depression and anxiety as an adolescent has affected her ability to function as an adult in several ways, including holding a job, attending events for family and friends and even getting out of bed. "Depression was hell, and it still is, it's just more controlled and easier for me to cope with."
Sara is another young woman who has struggled with her mental health. Sara describes never being a 'very happy child' but notes that depression really began to take a toll from the age of 11 onwards. "I lost my entire youth to mental illness, and those are years I'll never get back. That's not even just sad, it's fucking devastating."
For 22-year-old Sara, she feels as though she is playing 'catch up' compared to other people her age because her depression made it impossible to hope or plan for the future. "People keep asking me what career path I'm going to take, and I don't know what to tell them. Honestly, I never thought I would live this long, so I'm still figuring it out."
Sara feels behind in other ways compared to her peers as well, like the fact she has never learnt to drive. Sara says she never saw any point in learning to drive because she didn't expect to ever get to a stage where she would be living out of the family home. "When people used to ask me about when I was going to get my learners, I'd give them some sort of mumbled half-answer, but in my head, I was just repeating 'dead girls don't need drivers licenses'." While her ability to manage her mental illnesses is much improved compared to when she was a teenager, Sara has not tried to pursue a license due to intrusive thoughts and impulsive behaviours.
"I know if I started driving, I would struggle with being able to keep thoughts like 'crash into that tree' out of my head. It's the same reason I try to avoid walking across the bridge to get home. Even if I'm feeling totally fine, there is still the possibility my brain is going to hit me with a 'you should jump'."
Despite this, Sara feels like her not being able to drive is something other people are bothered by more than her as she is comfortable taking public transport or walking. She does say there is significant pressure from family and on a broader scale, society, to drive, which sometimes makes her question her stance on the topic, but generally, she is comfortable with her decision. Sara has spent the better part of eight years seeking mental health treatment but says it had never been mentioned to her that depression can have such intense effects on cognitive function.
However, not everyone who has had mental health issues in their youth believes that it has negatively affected their ability to function as an adult. Murphy, a 21-year-old university student, Murphy began having trouble with depression in 2010 when she was thirteen and was quickly prescribed with antidepressants and sleeping medication to treat this. Murphy says that the prescription was effective at the time, but that she was given it too hastily, which lead to her becoming dependent on something she 'probably didn't need in the first place'. She feels that her mental health issues have given her a resilience the majority of her peers do not have.
Like Murphy, Makayla and Sara also feel that struggling with depression and anxiety has meant they have developed resilience. Makayla says that she learned to deal with situations in different ways by creating solutions to push through incredibly mentally hard times. Sara admits that while her depression and anxiety took a lot away from her, she gained strength and perseverance that makes her more optimistic for the future.
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